Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
