people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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