You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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