Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
i need to put some appletini on your dick
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I touched a dick in church today
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
