the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
God I need to hump something, right now.
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