I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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