do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
