I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize