Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
