..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
