UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
