I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
