You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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