The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
