I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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