I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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