I accidentally burped into my bong.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
