I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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