I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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