i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
