I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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