Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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