I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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