Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
