do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
