He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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