Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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