you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
