Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
