Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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