So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
