My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
