Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
