can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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