I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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