I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
