You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just sucked dick on a ferry
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
