Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
