So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
