just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
