I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
