Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
