Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
