omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize