i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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