is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
