Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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