i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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