I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
