i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
