Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
