Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
