what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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