So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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