Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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