That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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