meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
