really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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