On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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