i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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