so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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