i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
