my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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