Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
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MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
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Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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