tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
