just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
