What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
