Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
