Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
