mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
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