zippers are such a cool invention
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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