i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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