You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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