Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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