Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
