tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
