I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
