i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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