Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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