You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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