if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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