it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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