Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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