So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
