Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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