I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We are two peas in an std pod
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
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trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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