do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
