my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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