I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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