I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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