K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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