life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
