Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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