I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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