Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
