her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
