; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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