I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
